dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
