FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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