Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
