Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize