Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
