As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
