you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just want nice things and good sex
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize