would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
