do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
