your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize