Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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