I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Someone signed my nipple.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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