The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
