We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
