It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
