im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why are your pants in the freezer?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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