In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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