At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
