Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
