Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
