How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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