my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
