Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
