I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
