the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
