Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
