does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
