So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
