You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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