Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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