um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
