He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize