I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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