well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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