He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
