put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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