I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize