ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
