$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
