Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
