Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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