I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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