thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize