every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
