I hate your face
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
