So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
