i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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