We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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