New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
