Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
