: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
