I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
