apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
