I wanna bring you to show and tell
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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