she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What a dumb baby whore.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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