I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize