also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
