Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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