remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
