i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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