also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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