I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
