My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
