I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize