I CAN MOONWALK!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize