ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
