Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
