I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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