I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
