Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
