I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
