from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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