Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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