if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
