i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
