I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
