so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
