No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
