hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
