i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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