You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
