He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
