God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
