just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
