Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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