Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
