if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just had sex on a roof
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I still have a little drunk in my system
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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