oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
